Dale Wisely headline
My child is 10 and has an extreme fear of bad weather. She sometimes is reluctant to go outside if there is so much as a cloud in the sky. Is this common? I am concerned it is getting in the way of her usual activities.
To frame this discussion, let’s review fears versus phobias. We all know what fear is. In theory, fear is a physical and emotional response to a threatening stimulus. If I were in a locked closet with a snake, I would experience fear. (I would also scream and cry and beg for my mommy, but that’s a topic for another column.) A phobia is an extreme and irrational fear that leads to distress and, importantly, some kind of avoidance. A phobia prevents us from doing things we want to do or need to do.
The distinction between rational and irrational fears is tricky when it comes to weather. As we know all too well in Alabama, severe weather outbreaks do happen and pose a substantial threat at times. If our kids are showing anxiety about weather, we really cannot say to them that they are completely safe from the impact of storms. They know better.
Often, we rely instead on talking to kids about the odds. The odds are, we say, you won’t be hurt by a storm. This is true, but usually not helpful. Think about fears of flying. Many rational adults are afraid to fly. They have heard a thousand times that it is safer to fly somewhere than to drive across the Birmingham metro area. (This, considering it is the Birmingham metro area, is definitely true.) They have heard that the chances of being in a plane crash are incredibly remote. But, even for rational people, these appeals to probability often do not help.
Fears related to weather aren’t rare in children. They are common after exposure to severe weather events — personal exposure or exposure through learning about it happening to others. Many young people go through periods of a few weeks or months during which this fear is quite significant after which, more or less spontaneously, the fear subsides to the prudent caution that we all should have. But, when the fears are severe, when they persist for more than a few weeks, and especially when they prevent the child from doing things he or she needs or wants to do, it is time to act. Consider seeking guidance from your child’s pediatrician about the need for psychological assessment and treatment.
In the meantime, we can tell our children that we love them and we will always do whatever we must to protect them. Sometimes the fact that we will always take care of our children is something we take for granted as parents. We forget that children sometimes need to be reassured that is true. Our children need the freedom to express their fears and not be shamed or belittled for having them.
Then they need information. We can help our kids by making them aware of the steps we take when weather threatens. The prudent use of “storm drills” in our home can help children know there is a plan in place for staying safe in a severe storm or tornado. Kids need concrete information: Where will we go? How long will we be there? Will I have something to drink, to eat? How will I go to the bathroom? Will we be together?
Dale Wisely, Ph.D. is Director of Student Services at Mountain Brook Schools and has been a child and adolescent psychologist for nearly 30 years. Dr. Wisely welcomes your questions for future columns; email jennifer@villagelivingonline.com to submit yours.
