Kari Kampakis
One of the best feelings in the world is to be wanted. One of the worst feelings is to be rejected. Oftentimes, what hurts most with rejection isn’t the event itself, but the emotions that are triggered. Rejection can mess with our psyche, fuel thoughts of inadequacy and leave us wrestling with feelings that cloud our judgment and self-perception.
Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life. The only way to avoid it is to never take a chance, and what kind of life is that?
No matter where your rejection comes from, it always hurts.
The good news is rejection doesn’t define you. It’s not the final nail in your coffin or a foreshadowing of what’s to come. Although it’s hard to see this at the time, there are ways to deal with rejection that can help you grow stronger and set the stage for a great future.
Following are five thoughts to keep in mind when rejection throws a punch at you:
► Give it a day. Acting when emotions run high often leads to words and actions you’ll later regret. Even if you’re level-headed by nature, it takes time for emotions to settle.
Unless the situation is an emergency — which it rarely is — give yourself time to cool down before you respond to a hurtful event. Take a day or at least a few hours to collect your thoughts, seek wise counsel and pray.
► Let God calm your heart and mind. Even in uncertainty, God offers peace. It’s different from the peace our world gives because it’s planted deep inside you and doesn’t rely on your circumstances. Learning to trust God in vulnerable times and pouring out your heart as you wrestle with hurt and anger strengthens your faith and opens the door for Him to comfort you.
► Know your worth. Your value as a person isn’t based on anything that can change overnight. You are important because God made you, and even when you feel unwanted or overlooked, your life matters in a big way. On your best and worst days, God loves you the same, and by clinging to the security,rejections become bearable.
► Turn your pain into a purpose. One wise way to cope with rejection is to convert it into good and let it motivate you.
My friend whose son was heartbroken over not making a team hung up a note in his bedroom that night that says “Remember how this feels.” Already he is counting down the days until the next tryouts and will use this period of wait to get stronger and better for it. In addition, it is the voids in your life that enlarge your heart for others. By refusing to let rejection have the last word in your life, you can change the life of somebody else.
► Be empowered. So often in life, we wait for other people to notice us, choose us and invite us. When they don’t, we feel helpless and stuck.
The truth is you don’t have to wait or rely on anyone to give you the life you hope for. A great life is something you create by taking initiative rather than living at the mercy of external events.
After any rejection, you have a choice. You can dwell on what happened or take action to lift your spirits.
None of us will respond perfectly every time — we’re human, after all — but we can see rejection as something to brace for rather than to fear. We can prepare our hearts in advance for the days we feel unwanted and ask God to stay close when we are most alone.
Yes, rejection can crush us, but it can also embolden us. By treating rejection as a chapter in our story, we can move forward in confidence knowing we have nothing to lose and nowhere to go but up.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Mountain Brook mom of four girls, columnist and blogger for The Huffington Post. Her two books for teen and tween girls — “Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For?” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — are available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Join her Facebook community at “Kari Kampakis, Writer,” visit her blog at karikampakis.com or contact her at kari@karikampakis.com.
