Sleep-away Camp

I would like to send my 10-year-old daughter to sleep-away summer camp for a two- or three-week session.  But, she is very reluctant to go.  Should I force the issue?

This is one of those questions that is hard to answer, and the best thing to do here may very much depend on your daughter’s specific situation. Let me suggest some general ideas about this.

I am generally a big fan of the summer camp experience.  All of my daughters went to camp for at least a week or two during the summer, and two of them became counselors in training and then camp counselors. It was a tremendous experience for them, and I think they benefited a great deal from attending camp and then being in leadership positions at their camp. As a psychologist, I’ve tended to think of summer camp as a great step along the way of beginning to build some independence from parents, developing relationships with diverse peers, and developing new skills and interests. But, that doesn’t mean, of course, that camp is for every child.

So what about a child who doesn’t want to go to camp?  The dilemma, of course, is that it’s entirely possible the reluctant child, once she goes, will have a terrific time, and you don’t want to miss out on that possibility. It’s also possible, of course, that she’s not ready, for whatever reason, and a parent could be faced with having to consider going to bring her home early. (Or, she could stay and be miserable!)

I don’t think it is at all uncommon for a child to be nervous about going away to camp for the first time. Also, not at all rare are cases in which the child goes off to camp and then has a major problem with homesickness or separation anxiety. That’s when the parent sometimes gets a call from the camp and has to decide whether to go bring a child home early.  As a general rule, I think that bringing a child home early is a scenario that’s best to avoid if you can. Fortunately, most sleep-away camps have personnel that are pretty skilled at dealing with the homesick child, and most of these cases probably get handled by staff without parental intervention.

If you think your child is ready and is just experiencing some normal anticipatory jitters, I would suggest first trying a very positive approach. Speak in an upbeat manner about how fun camp can be. If possible, consider visiting camp, with your child, before she actually goes.  Encourage her to ask any kind of question she has about what camp will be like. Perhaps your daughter has friends who love camp who can talk to her about it. You might also reassure her that you will be called and can come and get her if there is an emergency. However, I would avoid making promises that you will come get her right away if she gets homesick or is initially unhappy once she arrives at camp.  

If your daughter’s reluctance to go is extreme and she seems exceptionally upset at the prospect of going, I think you would have to ask yourself why that is. It’s possible that she really isn’t developmentally ready.  It could be that she’s a bit more emotionally dependent on her family than is typical at her age. Consider starting her off with a shorter time at camp.  Going from never having attended camp to a two- or three-week stay may be too abrupt a transition.  

If she goes and if you get that phone call from her on the first or second night begging to come home, don’t jump in the car. Talk to the staff and ask them how they think she’s adjusting. Give her more time to adjust, if possible.  Many kids have a rough time at first, but then adjust to camp if they have the chance.