An out-of-mommy experience
I love being a mom, I really do, but sometimes I need to escape. Sometimes I need to detach from the job and fly away — mentally at least — to a place that’s mine and mine alone.
It’s what I call an out-of-mommy experience.
An out-of-mommy experience doesn’t have to be big, like a career or fully charged mission, although for some women that might be the case. To me an out-of-mommy experience is anything that fills in the gap between “mother” and “woman.” It’s those sanity savers that make us feel whole and remind us of the young, carefree girl we used to be — the girl who loved to laugh, sing at the top of her lungs, and live life on a whim because she had only one person to care for.
Herself.
There’s a general consensus that moms deserve time alone, but how do we disconnect from our families without checking out too long? How do we reclaim our youthful spirits without going overboard, or landing on an episode of Moms Gone Wild? I believe the key is to find healthy interests we can transition into and out of easily, interests that mesh with our daily lives. Whether the purpose is temporary relief or to set the stage for down the road — when we’ll have time to pursue interests as passions — it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we have something separate from our family that we enjoy and find fulfillment in.
Maybe it’s a tennis league, a running group or exercising at the gym.
Maybe it’s a Bible study, a book club or cooking classes.
Maybe it’s a strong network of friends who meet up regularly.
Maybe it’s a volunteer position that uses our talents for a greater cause.
Maybe it’s a hobby such as writing, painting, gardening that transports our mind to a different world.
Whatever the case, we all need something that builds us up because the hard truth of motherhood is that children aren’t designed to boost our self-esteem. If anything they humble us, and if we’re looking to them for affirmation or to feel good about ourselves, we might be disappointed.
I found the comical injustice of the mother-child relationship summed up a few years ago while my oldest daughter, Ella, watched the movie Cinderella. As the evil stepsisters bossed Cinderella around, doling out chores without pause, Ella turned to me indignantly. “They’re being so mean!” she said. “I mean, they’re treating Cinderella like she’s a mom!”
Her observation made me laugh, mostly because it’s true. We moms get treated like the family slave without apology. Because we’re always around, no one feels the need to be on his or her best behavior, and while it’s good that our kids are comfortable around us, it can also make us their punching bag. Whatever frustration they’ve kept pent-up often unleashes on us.
I love being a mom, but I don’t like how thankless and draining this job can be. I don’t like feeling resentful because I’m exhausted and worn out. For me to enjoy my family and see them as gifts rather than burdens, I need breaks. I need to go off and recharge, to let my kids miss me just as I miss them.
My out-of-mommy experiences aren’t ever long; sometimes they’re as simple as a good run, dinner with friends, or a date night with my husband. Even driving in the car alone, listening to music I choose (and yes, singing at the top of my lungs) can evoke that “bird out a cage” feeling of freedom. I could live for days on that feeling alone. It flips on a switch inside me, illuminating the girl I used to be, the 20 year old who’ll always want out no matter how old I get.
Yes, we are moms, but we are women too, women with more to offer than clean laundry, chauffeur services and fresh groceries. By unplugging from our dutiful lives every so often and finding ourselves as individuals, we get a therapeutic boost that can re-energize us and, in effect, our families.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Mountain Brook mom of four with a background in PR, writing and photography. For daily inspirations, you can “like” her new “Kari Kampakis, Writer” page on Facebook. Visit her website at karikampakis.com, or contact her at kari@karikampakis.com.