Life Actually: Moms of teenage girls, I wrote a book for you

Everyone is worried about teenage girls today — and with good reason.

In short, they are struggling. From epidemic levels of anxiety, depression, and loneliness ... to a mental health crisis that’s starting younger and younger ... to a suicide rate that’s hit a 40-year peak ... to the stress of technology and a promiscuous culture, girls face challenges and trials that pain us and haunt us as they flash across headline news.

Like teenage boys, girls are growing up in a fishbowl where every move they make can get scrutinized and every mistake immortalized. They’re scared to death to fail because perfection is the bar. They juggle insane workloads and intense pressures to succeed. They’re the first generation of teenagers to be more stressed than their parents.

Today’s girls feel overwhelmed emotionally — yet unsure how to talk about it. They get bombarded by images that make them feel inadequate, and rarely do they get down-time because technology and social media create an intoxicating pull to constantly connect with friends.

For years I’ve had a heart for teenage girls, and I eagerly wrote two books for them. As I traveled to meet them, their moms would often ask, “When will you write a book for us?” This is where I would smile politely and say, “I don’t know” even though every bone inside me screamed Never! To be honest, writing for moms sounded intimidating, and though I adore my mom friends, I never felt qualified or called to write for this audience.

But as my daughters grew up — and parenting decisions became less obvious and more complex — my heart toward mothers softened. I gained new empathy and compassion as I began to feel overwhelmed, lost and out of my league. I realized that moms want to hear from other moms who are in the foxhole with them and understand their secret battles.

After all, as we share our stories, mistakes, fears and desires, we find the unity and support to grow stronger, wiser, and braver together... especially in uncertain times like this.

This is why I’m thrilled to announce an empowering new book for moms called “Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter” that will be released on August 18. This optimistic yet realistic guide can be pre-ordered now on Amazon and all online book retailers.

This isn’t a book about “fixing” your daughter, controlling her or becoming her BFF. It’s not a book where we commiserate about the misery of raising teenagers. More than anything, this book is about a mother’s journey, doing the heart work and the legwork necessary to help us be more intentional, empathetic and effective parents who can grow (and keep) a relationship with our children as they age and mature.

If we want our teenagers to listen...if we hope to earn their trust...if we aspire to have a voice in their lives that will carry into adulthood...if we want invitations into their expanding world...then we’ve got to grow a relationship that bridges our heart to theirs. We’ve got to show love in ways that speak to them, because teenagers don’t care what any adult knows until they know that adult cares about them.

Even when our daughters are babies, we moms are repeatedly told, “Just wait until she’s a teenager!” The narrative of innocence and joy quickly changes to gloom and doom as we are handed a disheartening script that treats a teenage girl’s final years at home as solely a season to survive.

The way we hear it, our daughters’ glory days come in childhood — and it’s all downhill from there.

Frankly, I don’t buy that, and that has not been my experience. While the teenage years are undeniably challenging, they are also deeply rewarding. God wants us to parent with a spirit of strength, not defeat, and with His help, we can aim to finish strong in our daughters’ final years at home.

My prayer is that this message will help you realize how much God loves you as you love your teenager. My hope is that you’ll spread the word to all your family and your friends! Make plans now to study this with a small group of moms whom you trust and respect, or a teen parenting group at church. It doesn’t have to be your best friends; in fact, small groups work best when you branch out beyond your daily circle.

Whether you and your daughter are in a great place already or hanging by a thread, this book will open your eyes to the complexities and pressures of her daily reality, deepen your connection, and help you equip her for the real world. And if you’re raising a son, you’ll also find valuable insight about teen culture today.

Through my work, I’ve met countless mothers who love their daughters passionately. They have a heart for their struggles and the trials of their generation, and they don’t want them to walk alone. I wrote this book with these moms in mind, to start life-giving conversations that can strengthen and empower families. I hope you will join me in sharing this message and supporting other women — especially in the journey of motherhood.

Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Birmingham-area mom of four girls, author, speaker, and blogger. Her new book for moms, “Love Her Well: 10 Ways To Find Joy And Connection With Your Teenage Daughter,” launches Aug. 18 and will be available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Kari’s two books for teen and tween girls — “Liked” and“10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — have been used widely across the country for small group studies. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at karikampakis.com, or contact her at kari@karikampakis.com.