Simmons examines the modern hookup culture

Richard Simmons had three people in mind when he wrote a new book up on hookup culture: his teenaged children. The book also addresses college students and anyone interested in the topic, he said.

Simmons saw promiscuity when he was in college, but he said it’s different now. According to his college-aged niece, what he has to say in Sex at First Sight: Understanding the Modern Hookup Culture describes what she has seen going on around her.

 “[Hooking up] fits in your schedule just like studying or exercising,” he said.

Speaking on the book at April 7 at the Emmet O'Neal Library, Simmons defined a hookup as accepting and participating in sexual activity with a focus on physical pleasure without relational commitment.

What Simmons finds most troubling is that college students also say they feel sad, abused and miserable about the hookup culture and how it affects their future, according to research in Donna Freitas’ The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy. Students said they want to feel special and be known, harboring secret wishes for old-fashioned ideas of romance.

In his book, Simmons explains four forces at the root of the hookup culture. First, pornography has changed the attitude of the role women should play in a sexual relationship. The easy accessibility of porn today exacerbates the problem, enabling commitment-free sexual gratification that is easy to hide. Simmons couples this issue with how college students are drinking alcohol to the point of extreme intoxication.

“Often students fund themselves waking up the next morning next to someone and they don’t know what they have done,” he said.

Other factors he attributes to the culture are peer pressure and a change in worldview. In the past, a Judeo Christian view defined an objective moral order that people feel called to submit to to flourish. Many young people today subscribe to a more modern view that morality is subjective and found from within, differing from person to person.

“This worldview says philosophically there are no rules for sex,” Simmons said.

After describing the hookup culture in the first half of the book, Simmons examines the Biblical purpose of sex.

Often, he said, parents teach their children about the physiology of sex and, if they are coming from a Biblical perspective, how it should be reserved for marriage. But it’s also important to explain the purpose of sex, he said.

To do so, Simmons looks at the Hebrew word used to describe it in the Old Testament. “Yada,” translated “he lay with her” in English, means “to know, to be known and to be deeply respected.” A word often coupled with it, “hesed,” implies a deep friendship and loyalty. By contrast, the word used to describe David’s relations with Bathsheba “shakeb” is merely a euphemism for sexual intercourse.

Simmons also pointed to Matthew 9:4-5 and how he believes God made sex for “cleaving,” saying “I belong to you completely and exclusively.”

The book closes by looking at a “solution,” which Simmons sees rooted in the difference God makes in a person’s life.

Simmons, a 1972 graduate of Mountain Brook High School, is the author of The True Measure of a Man, A Life of Excellence and two other books. He is also the founder and executive director for The Center for Executive Leadership, which he opened in 2000 to assist men in the development of their faith through formal Bible studies, teaching and counseling.

Sex at First Sight released April 1. It is available at SexAtFirstSight.com, Books A Million, Amazon.com and other retailers.